TQ Ward
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Poetry / Depression

Depression Waves

A personal poem about depression, uncertainty, and holding on to support while the struggle continues.

Make yourself comfortable.

Another set rises far ahead.
For now, the water around me is calm.
The sun warms my wet back.
I catch my breath—
still tired from the last.

For a moment, I rest.
Then the swell grows.
I search for a way through,
but before I can turn,
the wave pulls me under.

I tumble in its grip,
reach toward where I think the surface is.
I need air.
The longer I’m under,
the harder it is to know where.

I have been here before.
How did I get through it last time?

I draw my arms close,
curl against the force,
hoping the reef stays out of reach.
I wait for the water
to loosen its hold.

When it does,
I break the surface,
gasp for air.
Through the blur,
the shore is still there.

But I am weak.
Can I make it back?

As I gather my breath,
I feel a tug at my ankle—
the leash,
my board still attached.

I pull it close,
rest my weight across it.
The water keeps moving beneath me.

I don’t know how far I can paddle.
For now,
I have something to hold on to.

A note from the writer

I wrote this during a confusing time, while I was still searching for understanding and surviving. The board represents a higher power and sincere people who offer support—people who have been there all along, or who enter our lives later.

I’ve made progress since then. I’m striving, and somewhat thriving, in the same surf spot. Awareness helps, but the experience can still be difficult.